Thoughts

I don't think I ever quite found a way to be happy. I have a few friends, many goals, but few resources, at least I think so. Sometimes jealousy would overcome me when I compared myself to someone that looks calm and happy. I don't expect to be happy, but I sure damn want to be.

I worry a lot. I wish the word carefree applied in some way to my own personality. If I could find a way not to think so much I would; not to dwell on something so insignificant, then the next day it wouldn't even matter. Its hard to pretend nothing is wrong. People see me differently, they don't know. I don't even think I know.

I feel fragile; everything upsets me. I am so fucking damn irritated. I can't sit, or stand. My thoughts control me, and I wish I had an off switch.