How I Got Cancer

Spring was beginning to reveal itself. The day was warm, and the snow began to melt, and form runoff. The water flowed furiously into the pond, while the grass waved winter goodbye. The light wind cooled my face, and blew through my hair. I smiled and squinted as the sun gleamed through the branches of the tall pines. I lay back and rested on the back of my chair. What was I afraid of? Why didn't I just face my fears? What was I even doing here? I'm not afraid of death, it must be, that I'm afraid of dying. There are no more lifelines. I'm going to die anyway. Suddenly I am overcome with an inexpressible sadness. My heart pierces with pain, and my eyes weigh heavy on my face. It's going to happen, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. But God can end all this? So why doesn't he?

I lift my light sundress off my body, tearing it from my head. I am completely naked. I never thought life would take me here, to this moment. I walk slowly down to the edge of the still pond. I squint my eyes shut, then jump into the water.